Your favorite Simpsons quotes.

[Hon3r]

So my friend and I have this game going where we text each other a random Simpsons quote every once in a while when we're bored.

So what is your favorite Simpsons quote???

Homer: I hope he asks us to burn our pants.
(later)
Homer: Don't you hate pants?!


Ranier Wolfcastle: My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

[darkmessiah]

Eat my shorts.

[Neb]

DENTAL PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

[Hon3r]

Lisa needs braces.

[dwaynasangel]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

[darkmessiah]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.
LOL, Alzheimers ftw.

[Dead Fish]

The classics:

Comic Book Guy: "Worst episode ever."

Kent Brockman: "I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords."

[dwaynasangel]

LOL, Alzheimers ftw.
lol yeah i can't wait

[Tyr]

Grampa quotes are awesome.
--------------------
Homer Simpson: Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass on the words of advice my father gave me.
Grampa Simpson: [in Homer's mind, as he remembers] Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a strange man offers you a ride, I say, take it!
Homer Simpson: Lousy traumatic childhood!
--------------------
Lisa: I don't think anyone in this family could be capable of murder.
Grampa: You never know what people are capable of. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane. But last year, I proved myself wrong.

(Also worth mentioning is Abe's story of his work as a minesweeper in World War Two. The flashback sees him direct a tank onto a mine and a truck off a cliff. "And that's how I earned the Iron Cross" he recalls fondly.)
-------------------
But my favourite Grampa quote;
Grampa: We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Gimme five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
----------------------
Homer's tribute to some great past movies:
Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order. You're out of order. The whole freakin' system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth. 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do. Forget it Marge, it's Chinatown!

[ZiggY]

The goggles. They do nothing.

http://www.quizlaw.com/blog/images/radioactive-man-goggles.jpg (http://www.quizlaw.com/blog/images/radioactive-man-goggles.jpg)

[Tyr]

Homer: Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Marge: Hmm that doesn't sound like they like you at all.
Homer: You know I think you're right. First thing tomorrow morning I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head.

[Goldkills]

Ralph Wiggum: I fail english that umpossable.

[johnny246]

just because it's been stuck in my head all week...

"up and AT THEM!!"

[ZiggY]

Homer: Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Marge: Hmm that doesn't sound like they like you at all.
Homer: You know I think you're right. First thing tomorrow morning I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head.

Well, I had good timing with the new avatar.

[OrangeCat X]

Kent Brockman: "From now on, we'll all be taking GOLDEN showers."
Cameraman: *skickering*

[mrbellcaptain]

Agent Scully: "This is a simple lie detector test, we will ask you several yes or no questions and you just answer most truthfully. Do you understand?"
Homer: "Yes!"
*lie detector explodes*

[Steve Cloud]

"Pornography. I was buying pornography."

[Shrubberyjsc]

Quoting The Simpsons is also a favorite pastime of mine.

I can't choose a favorite quote, there are so many.

[PSORaine]

"There there. Shut up boy." Homer

I use that all the time with my son...

[Nuttz]

"Here's a lesson for you! Kids never learn!"

[FaceGrater]

"It tastes like burning."

[GamerKing]

"Lets all go to the lobby, lets all go to the lobby, lets all go to the lobby to get ourselves some snacks!"

[zombicidalmaniac]

Ralph wiggum:your eyes need diapers

[Nuttz]

The lepricaun told me to burn things!

[GamerKing]

The lepricaun told me to burn things!

"Yes Yes, Now Burn them all."

[JustAnotherRainDog]

"What is a wedding? Well, Oxfords Dictionary describes it as a "process of removing weeds from ones garden." "

[bee0877]

Homer: you'l butter your bacon boy
Bart: But my heart hurts

[Funky Biscuits]

*Robin Hood on the TV
"I am truly, truly sorry"
"Sorry just won't cut it Robin!" (Gestures a hand across the neck)
AHOIHOIHOI! Says Robin tugging at his collar.

[YuriTMND]

Ralph: Hello Super Nintendo Chalmers!


DENTAL PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

And it's So long Dental Plaaaaaan, ya fool.

[Hon3r]

Homer: I wanted it so badly that I held my breath until I passed out and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor said I might have brain damage.

Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?

Homer: I like stories.

[RATT]

Homer: What's a Gym? (not pronuced like Jim)

[Hon3r]

Tony Hawk: Homer, you're heading for a parental faceplant. Do a 180 emotional ollie. *passes out*

Homer: Finally someone explains it to me in terms I can understand.

[Hidden8x2]

http://i118.photobucket.com/albums/o104/Hidden8/STUPIDSEXYFLANDERS.jpg
I don't even have to say the line...

[Shrubberyjsc]

FEELS LIKE I'M WEARING NOTHING AT ALL!

NOTHING AT ALL!

NOTHING AT ALL!




Stupid sexy Flanders.

[Funky Biscuits]

Haha
Hidden Wins!

[Faded Memories]

FEELS LIKE I'M WEARING NOTHING AT ALL!

NOTHING AT ALL!

NOTHING AT ALL!




LOLOL I love that one!

Homer: I like my beer cold... my TV loud... and my homosexuals flaming.

Homer : "Alright pie, I'm just gonna do this. ... [OM. NOM. NOM.] "...and if you get eaten, its your own fault!

Ralph: Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't home and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove!

[Zorgy]

Ralph: Why do people run from me? *pisses self*

[Hon3r]

Evil Homer: (dancing on Good Homer's grave) I am evil Ho-MER! I am evil Ho-MER!

[CrAnKeDHigH]

The one where the garbage is overflowing and the rule is whoever tips it over has to take it out.

Homer puts one last thing on it to tip it over.

Marge yells down: (forget exact quote, something to the effect of:) "Take out the garbage homer!"

Homer: "But, I can rebuild!!!!"

[Etheallmighty]

too long,

so this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yGJGTjV2WE)

"No TV and no beer make homer....something something..."
"Go crazy?"
DON'T MIND IF I DOOOO!!!! AAAAHlulululululuououoijlui. ee oo ee oo ee oo VUU VUU Hadababa!"

[Tboyes122]

There is seriously nothing better than the "My eyes! The goggles do nothing!" quote. I shit my pants the first time i heard that.

[Tyr]

I like your near merticulous reprodution of Homer's gibberish E.

Lisa: Look at the "wonders" of the computer age now.
Homer: Wonders Lisa? Or blunders?
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said.
Homer: Implied... Or implode?

Homer: Yeah. When I started this clown thing, I thought it would be nothing but glory. You know, the glory of being a clown. I tell you, it's hard, tiring work. But when I see the smiles on their little faces, I just know they're getting ready to jab me with something.

[ReaperzJayz]

Ha-Ha

[Etheallmighty]

thanks Tyr, your first exchange between homer and lisa made me literally LOL.

GOD GIVE US BACK THE OLD SIMPSONS, THAT WERE ACTUALLY FUNNY!!!!!


this is random, but did anyone else find the X-Files episode where Homer discovers an alien in the woods (found out as Mr. Burns later) freaky? I remember that just scaring the SHIT outa me when I first watched it. alone.
even when he says "I bring you ppeeeeeaaace" I was like OMG runn homer ruuunnnnnn

[DoGZaO]

DOH

[Nuttz]

Homer runs into the casino and throw down the poky machine:

"Woudburafreamudabura!"

"Homer, slow down!"

"Wouudbuurraafreeammudaabuuraa."

[Etheallmighty]

oh yeah, and Ralph Wiggum on the bus: the kids are trying to race things down the isle on the bus ride to school.

Bart: "Go apple" *rolls by*
Nelson: "Go Orange" *rolls by*

Ralph: "Go Banana!" *thump*

[Nuttz]

"Kid's, looks like we're having an imaginary Christmas this year!"
"YAY!!"
"I got a Pogo Stick!"
"I got a Hula Hoop!"

"Dad, do we have to shower in the back yard? I think Rod and Tod are watching."
"No we're not!" *Ducks behind window*

[Tyr]

Nuttz, hooray you just reminded me of yet another favourite quote:

Lisa: [about her state costume] I'm a monster!
Homer: No, lisa, you're not a monster. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor! We must save your mother from his neon claws!

That whole sequence with the Boogyman was hilarious too in that episode.

Ooh! Ooh! And my favourite sequence which doesn't really work in quote form but I'll do it anyway:

Homer: Uh... you have any sugar around here?
Hank Scorpio: Sugar? Sure.
[takes two handfuls of sugar out of his pockets and gives them to Homer]
Hank Scorpio: There you go. Sorry it's not in packages.
[reaches back into his pockets]
Hank Scorpio: Want some cream?
Homer: Uhhhh... I... no.

[Marcopolo]

Homer: Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts.
(Barney in a bikini humming dream of genie theme song)


Snake: Ha Ha! I'm like totally going to stab you now.

[Shrubberyjsc]

Can't sleep; clown'll eat me...

[Etheallmighty]

Can't sleep; clown'll eat me...

o god o_0

[Funky Biscuits]

The English Guy in Homers pile of sugar.
Priceless!

[CarrionSwarmJosh]

Homer: "If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?"

Homer: "Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom! Beep! Honk! Honk! Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze!"

Homer: "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie... Police Academy."

[Hon3r]

Homer: (describing traffic jams) Gas, break, honk. Gas, break, honk. Gas, break, punch. Gas, gas, gas...

[DTard]

I'd go with "Latex condoms..... What I would give to live in one of those!" Grandpa

or "It Tastes like burning!" Ralph

one of my favorites:

"whaddido?" Bill Clinton

[Hon3r]

Homer: Ooo! Look at me! I'm making people happy. I'm like the magical fairy from lala land with gum-drop houses and lollipop lanes! (leaves)

Homer: (poking head back through door) By the way I was being sarcastic.

Marge: Well, DUH.

[Tyr]

this is random, but did anyone else find the X-Files episode where Homer discovers an alien in the woods (found out as Mr. Burns later) freaky? I remember that just scaring the SHIT outa me when I first watched it. alone.
I just love the revelation in that episode:

Springfieldians are decending on the "alien"
Lisa: Here's your alien!
(shines torch on alien reveling it as a confused-looking Mr. Burns)
Willie: Yar! It's a monster! Kill it!
Smithers: (Running to shield Burns) It's not a monster! It's Mr. Burns!
Willie: Aww, it's Mr. Burns... (enraged again) KILL IT!

And of course Homer's late night wanderings:

After walking away from a bus with the Springfield Philharmonic Orchestra playing the "Psycho Shower Scene" music Homer comes across a sign that reads "DIE"
Homer: AUUGH!
Wind blows tree branch away to reveal a "T" making the sign read "DIET"
Homer: AUUUGHHHHH!!!! *runs away*

[Hon3r]

lol, best episode.

(Homer is seen running on a treadmill)
Agent Mulder: What's the point of this test Scully?
Agent Scully: Nothing, I just thought he could afford to lose a few pounds.
Mulder: His... jiggling is almost hypnotic.
Scully: Yes, it's like a lava-lamp.