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JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 11:48 AM
The Virus Begins Chapter One: Introductions (Unfinished)


At first things were peaceful. People were sadistic corporals who only cared about furthering their climb up the latter of greed. Those without greed seemed innocent enough and they would never be suspected if there was not good reason. That is, until people began to die off.
The virus started simply at first; It seemed like a flu. When people began to die the first news put out by the government was that it would soon pass. That kept the public at pay for the moment and it seemed that the virus would indeed pass. As time began to pass more and more people were dieing by the hands of this unknown disease. The top scientists of many nations were attempting to figure out this virus, and hopefully develop a vaccine. Everything was moving forward at a good pace when the people began to develop new symptoms. The problem was, it was not the living who were developing these symptoms, it was the dead.

News reports everywhere were forced to withhold the information. The government believed that if this was leaked to the public chaos would insure. The dead were returning from the ground they were buried in; and they wanted us to join them. Little by little information made its way into the general masses. Those Immune to the virus loaded up on weapons and supplies, attempting to barricade their homes from the growing hordes. The people who were not immune to the virus did their best to fight back from the physical infected, and the infection they already had in their bodies that was threatening to turn them at any moment. It happened slow at first, small towns consumed in violence, people put to fight each other and the infected, but soon the virus picked up pace. Dooming most city's, large and small, civilians to be killed by the infected.

I hope you like what you have read so far. This is the unfinished chapter one.
Slochk
08-20-2009, 11:50 AM
sounds good,
when will the rest come out?
Bloodshed269
08-20-2009, 03:07 PM
That'll do.
Jesus123
08-20-2009, 03:10 PM
Fix yo grammar before posting. Foh realz.
Bloodshed269
08-20-2009, 03:13 PM
Fix yo grammar before posting. Foh realz.

I don't see any grammarical errors...
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 03:45 PM
I don't see any grammarical errors...
Nor do I. Mind alliterating?
CrAnKeDHigH
08-20-2009, 03:49 PM
I don't see any grammarical errors...

EDIT: nvm
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 03:51 PM
Ah, I am quite confused now. If anyone sees any type of error please take the time to post it.
CrAnKeDHigH
08-20-2009, 03:59 PM
Ah, I am quite confused now. If anyone sees any type of error please take the time to post it.

Read it again, there are many errors. Its not like its indecipherable or anything, just a lot of little errors. But really, thats not what this thread is about.

OT: Not a bad little start to a story. Are you planning on making more? Would be nice to spell check it next time though.
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 04:03 PM
Read it again, there are many errors. Its not like its indecipherable or anything, just a lot of little errors. But really, thats not what this thread is about.

OT: Not a bad little start to a story. Are you planning on making more? Would be nice to spell check it next time though.
Eh, I did spell check. The one at my forum found no problems and Firefox found no spelling errors.
Slochk
08-20-2009, 04:26 PM
forget about the dam grammer, its about the story, lol so are you going to do more cus i would like to read it.
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 04:44 PM
forget about the dam grammer, its about the story, lol so are you going to do more cus i would like to read it.
Indeed I am, but right now I am focusing on moving 'The Safe Room' Over to a different provider.

http://s1.zetaboards.com/The_Safe_Room/index/
hunterhunter
08-20-2009, 06:19 PM
damn good....now if only I wern't so lazy I'd finish my story
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 08:05 PM
Ha ha Thanks. I look forward to reading it.
bad_aim
08-20-2009, 09:17 PM
Ah, I am quite confused now. If anyone sees any type of error please take the time to post it.

K (I'm not trying to criticize, but trying to help)....here's a few:

"People were sadistic corporals who only cared about furthering their climb up the latter of greed."

Should be: People were sadistic corporals (I'm not sure why this word is used. It doesn't really make sense in this context.) who only cared about furthering their climb up the ladder of greed.

"The government believed that if this was leaked to the public chaos would insure."

Should be: The government believed that if that was leaked to the public, chaos would ensue.

"It happened slow at first, small towns consumed in violence, people put to fight each other and the infected, but soon the virus picked up pace."

Should be: It happened slowly at first: small towns consumed in violence, [I have no idea what this next bit is supposed to mean, so I can't correct it], but soon the virus picked up pace.
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 09:23 PM
K (I'm not trying to criticize, but trying to help)....here's a few:

"People were sadistic corporals who only cared about furthering their climb up the latter of greed."

Should be: People were sadistic corporals (I'm not sure why this word is used. It doesn't really make sense in this context.) who only cared about furthering their climb up the ladder of greed.

"The government believed that if this was leaked to the public chaos would insure."

Should be: The government believed that if that was leaked to the public, chaos would ensue.

"It happened slow at first, small towns consumed in violence, people put to fight each other and the infected, but soon the virus picked up pace."

Should be: It happened slowly at first: small towns consumed in violence, [I have no idea what this next bit is supposed to mean, so I can't correct it], but soon the virus picked up pace.
Thanks for that. Ive been out of it all week.

The picked up pace bit was referring to how the virus was moving slowly across the nation, but later began to move faster and faster.
bad_aim
08-20-2009, 09:31 PM
Oh yeah...I got that. I was talking about this: "people put to fight each other and the infected"

I just wasn't exactly sure what that meant.

Alot of it is small punctuation errors, or words spelled correctly, but used incorrectly. I'm actually busy typing something out right now, so I can't really help. Maybe later, though.

Wow.....when did I turn into an English teacher? Laaaaaaame.
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 09:49 PM
Oh yeah...I got that. I was talking about this: "people put to fight each other and the infected"

I just wasn't exactly sure what that meant.

Alot of it is small punctuation errors, or words spelled correctly, but used incorrectly. I'm actually busy typing something out right now, so I can't really help. Maybe later, though.

Wow.....when did I turn into an English teacher? Laaaaaaame.

Oh don't worry. I don't need any help, I am just out of it and havent done any real writing in like 6 months. :P


THE NEW 'The Safe Room' SITE IS UP AND FINISHED! THE OLD ONE NOW ONLY HAS A LINK TO THE NEW ONE.
Jesus123
08-20-2009, 10:12 PM
"That kept the public at pay for the moment"

You meant bay. I am too lazy to show your errors but they aren't really grammar, but misplaced words or in other words the wrong words used.
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 11:20 PM
Yeah I noticed. I will fix al lthis when I am thinking straight.
SlainPwner666
08-20-2009, 11:26 PM
I'll go ahead and point out the errors, cuz I like this fanfic.

Dying instead of Dieing.
Bay instead of Pay
Corporates instead of Corporals
Ladder instead of Latter
Ensue instead of Insure
Cities instead of City's

I like it so far, keep it up!
JayEmmAre
08-20-2009, 11:45 PM
I'll go ahead and point out the errors, cuz I like this fanfic.

Dying instead of Dieing.
Bay instead of Pay
Corporates instead of Corporals
Ladder instead of Latter
Ensue instead of Insure
Cities instead of City's

I like it so far, keep it up!
Thanks for that. :D I will fix it as soon as I am sure that I wont f**k up more in the process. XD