My short novel

[wowzerss]

im writing a short novel about zombies and such that will be so mind blowing ull give it 2 thumbs up! ill try to finish it within 2-3 days and who knows maybe ill make a book XP

ill post once in awhile to tell u how far ive gotten in it

[wowzerss]

accually turns out i might be done in an hour or so

[wowzerss]

ok heres the first chapter of the novel

Them <~~~~~name of novel

Chapter 1 The First Survivor

Three days ago...
As I was getting up at 7:00 AM like I always do, I brushed my teeth and went downstairs into the kitchen. As I was eating Lucky Charms and watching some random movie that was on my crappy TV I started to notice something odd but I couldn't figure it out. When I put on some clean clothes to start my day I saw the news come on but when they were about to say what was important the power went out. I thought I'd check outside to see if it went throughout my neighborhood. Turns out only the block went out. I went back inside to grab a snack but when I opened the fridge there was nothing to snack on. &quot;Time to go to the store!&quot;

As I got in my car I started to notice that there were no kids playing which they usually do at this hour. Listening to rock on the radio I drove to the nearest gas station to get some gas. Right before I turned off the car (with the radio) I heard the news come on but I didn't bother to listen. After waiting 5 minutes I went to pay up to the store keeper but oddly enough he wasn't there so I just left the money on the counter and got the snack I wanted I got back in my car. I thought why not go to the city while I'm out and that's when it happened...

I thought of buying a new TV! While I was looking for the electronics store I couldn't seem to understand why nobody was outside today. As I finally got to the electronic store the news was on the TV but instead of listening to what they said again I just went inside. Just like the gas station there was no one in the store. I started to look around the city to ask someone what was going on. After driving for around 30 minutes I finally saw a guy wearing a yellow jacket stained with blood standing on the sidewalk doing nothing as if he were a zombie but I figured he was a butcher. Then I went up to him...

When I tapped his shoulder he freaked out as punched me in the face. I asked him why he did that and he said &quot;Sorry, thought you were one of them.&quot; As puzzled as I was he asked me if I knew what he was talking about. After 15 minutes of explaining I asked him if he was crazy. He said &quot;If I were crazy then why am I missing my left hand?&quot; I was shocked to see that his left hand was missing with teeth marks around the edges. I asked him what are we going to do. He said it was hopeless. After much thought I said what if we were to gather as many survivors as we can and head somewhere safe. He then smirked and said &quot;You've got some guts kid. I guess I'll join you then.&quot;



just wait till chapter 2!!!

o and just tell me if anythings amiss or anything that would make it more exciting

[Etheallmighty]

....well usually in novels u get more into the character's mind/detail of environment, but it's still good for a quick read....if it's got to do with zombies apocalypse, I AM there

[wowzerss]

lol almost done with the second chapter

[wowzerss]

Chapter 2 Zombie

As we drove through the streets we lost track of time and over heated the car engine (crappy car). We tried to fix it but neither of us knew how. As I closed the lid I saw a figure in a window two buildings away from us. At firs I thought it was an object but when I sneezed and looked back at it it disappeared. I told him about it and he said &quot;Let's go check it out but be careful.&quot; As we walked closer to the building we grabbed a nearby object as a weapon (I grabbed a brick and he grabbed a piece of broken glass). As we were walking in the building I asked him what his name was just incase he was a last person he would ever see alive. &quot;My name is Chuck&quot; he replied.

So as were nearing the corner that lead to the room with the figure he said that I was a good person to be with in this scenario. We made a deal that we counted to three and jump out to see what it was. &quot;One. Two. THREE!&quot; we jumped out and screamed flailing out weapons. When I saw who it was I was relieved. It was just a normal woman hiding but for some reason she started moving toward us with her eyes rolled back in her head. Chuck then screamed &quot;ZOMBIE!&quot; and stabbed it in the chest. It stood still for a moment then just started moving toward us again. I was frightened but I knew what I must do. I took the brick and bashed it's face in. It fell to the ground with blood oozing out everywhere. The stench was so horrible. Chuck then said &quot;I'm gonna need a stronger weapon!&quot; So we went back to the car and stayed there for a bit for what we just witnessed. Chuck found a lead pipe around the area and he seemed happy.

I said &quot;We need to find somewhere to sleep with doors that can be locked.&quot; We went towards the nearest hotel that seemed well protected. When we bashed through one of the hotel doors a zombie was eating some poor fellow on the ground. Chuck whacked the zombie as hard as he could in the head and the zombie died. I went to check the dead guy and I was relieved to find out he died of a broken neck (I assume he fell out of bed). We bashed through another room and to our surprise we saw a 13 year-old boy cowering in fear in the bathroom. We asked him what his name was and he said in a scared voice &quot;Billy.&quot; We asked him where his parents were and he said he saw them run away from the zombies leaving him behind. I was disgusted in his parents. I told him he could join us in searching for survivors and shelter. He seemed a little happier. We talked a bit about each others life. Then we went to bed after locking the room.

chapter 3 coming soon! remember to ask for anything you almost anything you want that should happen in the next next chapter

[globalenjoi]

I haven't read it yet, but just saw something that bugs me... Too many &quot;As ___&quot; at the start of sentences... &quot;As we&quot; &quot;As I&quot; and such are repeated a LOT.

I'll read it later though when I'm not busy, zombies = always fun!

[Etheallmighty]

ask for anything

the boy should die

...jk

[wowzerss]

Chapter 3 New Type

Two Days Ago...
When I opened my eyes I saw Chuck staring out the window with a horrified expression. As I got up I heard the toilet flush and Billy came out of the bathroom. We went to go see what Chuck had seen and I bet by the looks of it we had horrified expressions as well. We saw a new type of zombie as it would seem. It had a huge gaping mouth on the body and it was running! We saw it belly flop on a dead person in the middle of the street and when it got up the person was gone! We were afraid to leave the room but we knew we had to.

I asked Billy what sport he was good at and he said baseball. I said &quot;Perfect&quot; I asked Chuck to give Billy his lead pipe. We tried to be as sneaky as possible to leave the hotel and go into another building. But for some reason I sneezed again. And it looked at us directly for a moment before charging at us. I said &quot;RUN RUN RUN!&quot; and as we ran it was following us wherever we went. We finally got into a room with a lock on the door. After locking the door we knew the zombie was waiting for us to open it. Then I had a plan. I asked Billy if he could get ready for the swing of his life. Chuck and I stood behind the door to give him support if he missed. Right when we opened the door it charged straight for him and Billy made a home run. I was amazed at his strength. As we walked through the building we found out it connected to an apartment. We searched and searched for someone but there were no signs of anybody.

We thought we'd rest up a bit in one of the rooms before going back out. As I laid down on the bed I wondered why I was sneezing so much. I then dozed off.

[wowzerss]

Chapter 4 What's Wrong With Me?

Yesterday...
When I awoke I saw two new people. I asked Chuck who they were and he said they are survivors too. I asked what they're names were and the chubby man said &quot;I'm Bob and this is my wife Carrie.&quot; I wondered how a chubby guy like him got a smokin hot babe like her. It didn't matter. I said to everyone that we should find a shelter now. Everyone took some knives with them from the kitchen and we set off towards a nuclear shelter. As we were running we saw a horde of both types of zombies chasing us. I saw a gun store in our path and said &quot;Quick hurry into the gun store!&quot; We all ran into the store and grabbed some guns and started mowing down the zombies. Billy thought it was quite fun so I smacked him in the head.

As we moved along I started sneezing more and more blood came out. Chuck asked if I was ok and I said I was fine even though I wasn't. We finally found a nuclear fallout shelter and hid there and thought that we would wait it out. Right before we closed the door and locked it an army of zombies of many different types were coming this way. But we knew they couldn't get us in here. So we all had some laughs over beer (Billy drank soda) and told scary stories. I went to bed early 'cause I wasn't feeling well.





one more chapter to go!

[wowzerss]

Final Chapter I'm Sorry

Now...
I awoke in the middle of the night and for some reason I couldn't control my body at all when I looked down on my sheets I saw a pool of blood. My blood! I finally realized what was going on. I was infected and now I'm one of them. I tried to wake everyone to stop me but I had no control. I only had control of my thoughts. All I could do was watch as I opened the door and let all the zombies in hearing screams and a phrase I will never forget. &quot;He's one of THEM!&quot;


so wut does every1 think?

[Halfeatendonkey]

i dont really know...a bit short ..not so much details..and i dont really like the Normal ZOMBIES :P Yay for the infected!

[Synapse]

This seems like a child fairy story, before you take that massively offensively let me elaborate:

As I was getting up at 7:00 AM like I always do, I brushed my teeth and went downstairs into the kitchen. As I was eating Lucky Charms

For a first sentence this should drag you in and instead it tells me you're a boring perhaps slightly wierd person telling this story as though your zombie experience was a day in the park. Seen as most stories are in the past tense, you should be telling this zombie story to someone rather than just writing a story, try to get in character more.

I went back inside to grab a snack but when I opened the fridge there was nothing to snack on. &quot;Time to go to the store!&quot;

This is a bit of a lame excuse to go out really and it just adds to the illusion that your character is a nerdy kid.

I thought why not go to the city while I'm out and that's when it happened...

I thought of buying a new TV!

You make this sound like it was the highlight of your day, as opposed to the apocalypse being the most important thing that happened that day. As I said keep it in past tense you have been through a life-traumatic experience you shouldn't be that joyful telling it, only describing how you were joyful at the time.

I finally saw a guy wearing a yellow jacket stained with blood standing on the sidewalk doing nothing as if he were a zombie but I figured he was a butcher. Then I went up to him...

Would you really go up to a guy stood on the sidewalk covered in blood when all the streets are deserted? I think you'd shout at him through your car window or something first.

When I tapped his shoulder he freaked out as punched me in the face.

This made me rofl, and concluded my point that your main character is an absolute victim.

Anyways just some ideas before you write try and get yourself in the mood, maybe watch a horror movie or write in the dark, you need to give the reader more of a sense to be afraid, rather than describe the news came on and then you switched it off, describe you heard a disturbing word like &quot;mass slaugher&quot; as you flicked the news off and it filled you with a sense of dread.
Also, toughen up the main character please, I mean I know your reader needs to be scared and in a sense of threat but your main character is difficult to sympathise with when I find myself sharing the &quot;butcher&quot;'s desire to hit him.

[Halfeatendonkey]

hehe,nice Synapse :P

[darksora2323]

adjectives are your friend

[asu]

Please dont take offence:
The &quot;butcher&quot; is missing a hand and has nothing better to do than running around with a stranger (you)? Thats pretty weird. Also, why do the &quot;survivors&quot; always leave their shelter? I mean if I had to hide from some Zombies I would go back to my home instead of heading for a hotel...and afterwards an apartement...and after this a bunker...
Your story is (intendet or not) pretty funny; like some B movie you encounter on TV at the night program.
I had some good laughs so thanks for the read ;)

[Halfeatendonkey]

The &quot;butcher&quot; is missing a hand and has nothing better to do than running around with a stranger (you)? Thats pretty weird.
Ye..hehe..like some B movie you encounter on TV at the night program.
I had some good laughs so thanks for the read ;)

[wowzerss]

XD i might make a better one in the future

[Synapse]

i might make a better one in the future


Don't get me wrong, it's not bad, it just needs improvement as does every piece of writing. Why not try re-writing it now you've had feedback? People here are extremely bored waiting on L4D anyway, they could do with some reading material. :)